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Poems By Poet Alessandra Liverani  12/20/2014 8:32:36 PM
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  Best Poems From
  ALESSANDRA LIVERANI
 
 

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  1.     

- The Auditors Are Coming: : Humour

The auditors are coming, a week from today
Everything that you can, please put it away
Those things on the shelf that have sat there for months
Put them away, we’re playing hide and hunt

The auditors are coming, they’ve boxes to tick
Don’t leave anything lying around on which they can pick
Those innocent looking tapes, what secrets do they hold
Only the whole financial record of the company’s gold!

The auditors are coming, for audit type 7799
Are we compliant with all of the guidelines
Are we in accordance with every one of the regulations
So all boxes can be ticked, and we can have celebrations!

The auditors are coming, they’re coming today
Quick, hide that cable, put it out of the way
The auditors are coming, they’re right at the door
Oh just shove the lot of it under the floor

(Sydney, Australia - 2007)
 
Alessandra Liverani
   
 

   
   
 

  2.     

- The Christmas Card: : Humour

I received a lovely e-card by email yesterday
It wished me Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year's Day
A delightful Christmassy image was generously included
A feeling of general bonhomie it effortlessly exuded

And then it told me that if I had received this email by mistake
To notify the originator before it got too late
It also said this message had been scanned for a computer virus
In words which I have to say had an element of dryness

Views expressed in this message were those of the individual sender
Except where the sender specifies with authoritative candour
That these are the views of the company (I won't mention the name)
That is, the views of both the sender and the company are the same

If I was the recipient but no longer wanted to receive these messages
I was told to click a link to no longer subscribe to these services
And if I had any questions on the unsubscribe facility
They gave me a contact of undisputed dependability

So I read my Christmas message from start through to the end
It was a Christmas message that contained an interesting blend
Of festive wishes coupled with company vernacular
To produce a Christmas card outstandingly spectacular!

(Sydney, Australia - 2011)
 
Alessandra Liverani
   
 

   
   
 

  3.     

- Where Are My Glasses? : : Humour

Where are my glasses, where did they go?
I’ve searched high, and I’ve searched low
I looked on the shelf and behind the TV
Where, oh where can my glasses be?

I’ve looked on top of the table, behind the door
Inside the cupboard and inside the drawer
Beside the lounge and under it too
I went outside and checked inside an old shoe

I walked down the hallway and up the stairs
In front of me was a bicycle lying right there
I walked around it and jumped over the toys
Left there by those most lazy of boys

I walked past a doorway, then crawled through a hole
Which led to a cupboard that only contained bowls
I’ve looked everywhere, under each and every bed
The only place I forgot was on top of my head

(Sydney, Australia - 2005)
 
Alessandra Liverani
   
 

   
   
 

  4.     

- It's All Relative: : Humour

My mother’s brother’s sister’s name is Grace
She’s my aunt and likes to go from place to place
My mother’s sister’s brother’s name is Brad
He’s my uncle and he is my cousin’s Dad

My grandmother on my mother’s side
Is my maternal gran, she is my grandfather’s bride
She also is my father’s mother-in-law
And not surprisingly they often go to war

My cousin is the nephew of my mother
His father happens to be my mother’s brother
My aunty’s niece is in fact myself
If you're confused please don't look at me for help

(Sydney, Australia - 2005)
 
Alessandra Liverani
   
 
 

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Poems By Poet Alessandra Liverani