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Poems By Poet Alessandra Liverani  11/29/2014 3:36:52 AM
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- The Christmas Card: : Humour

I received a lovely e-card by email yesterday
It wished me Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year's Day
A delightful Christmassy image was generously included
A feeling of general bonhomie it effortlessly exuded

And then it told me that if I had received this email by mistake
To notify the originator before it got too late
It also said this message had been scanned for a computer virus
In words which I have to say had an element of dryness

Views expressed in this message were those of the individual sender
Except where the sender specifies with authoritative candour
That these are the views of the company (I won't mention the name)
That is, the views of both the sender and the company are the same

If I was the recipient but no longer wanted to receive these messages
I was told to click a link to no longer subscribe to these services
And if I had any questions on the unsubscribe facility
They gave me a contact of undisputed dependability

So I read my Christmas message from start through to the end
It was a Christmas message that contained an interesting blend
Of festive wishes coupled with company vernacular
To produce a Christmas card outstandingly spectacular!

(Sydney, Australia - 2011)
Alessandra Liverani



- Cama Cama Cama Cama Cama Not a Lion:: Humour

My father is a camel and my mother is a llama
And that is how I was born a hybrid called a cama
Created through the procedure of artificial insemination
Not via a camel/llama eyelash fluttering flirtation

My father most probably would have squashed my mother flat
If they'd tried the common method of breeding a little brat
He's a dromedary camel with a hump of fatty tissue
Half a tonne of him would have caused my llama mama issues

Humans love my llama wool and my llama disposition
And to have me camel size would be a wondrous acquisition
74 chromosomes are present in both my papa and my mama
So I am a fertile hybrid who can make little baby camas

I'm not sure of my future, if I'll be just a weird exhibit
If the journey of my hybrid is only a fleeting visit
But I'll do my very best to grow big and strong and woolly
So that the good traits from my parents can be enjoyed fully
Alessandra Liverani



- Gallbladder Removal: : Humour

The doctor advised Leigh’s gallbladder must be removed
A few simple snips and his health would be improved
She told him to sign up for a Cholecystectomy, Laparoscopic
Four incisions are sliced for surgery microscopic

First they’d inflate his abdominal cavity with CO2
Then they’d get out their telescopes for a fantastic view
Of his gallbladder, bile duct, cystic duct and liver
Cut free his gallbladder and through an incision deliver

This organ, already emptied of its painful stones
So we’d be hearing less of Leigh’s whimpering moans
We wish him good luck, they say the risk is very low
We’ll see his smiling face soon with a healthier glow

(Sydney, Australia - 2008)
Alessandra Liverani



- Making Plurals In English: : Humour

The plural in English is usually made
By adding an 's', so don't be afraid
Of making this sound so that it can be heard
At the end of the plural form of a word

Then there will be no doubt in anyone's mind
Whether your meaning is of the singular or plural kind
An extra syllable is needed when patch becomes patches
And take note that the plural of batch is batches

Of course there are always exceptions to every rule
The fish that swim around in a school
Are still just fish, they don't become fishes
But the plural of dish will always be dishes

The plural of goose is, as we all know, geese
Although the plural of moose is definitely not meese
One mouse, but a plague of them would be called mice
Though to call houses hice is something for which I do not give advice

Hypothesis in plural form translates to hypotheses
And parenthesis, of course, becomes parentheses
But your garden variety of plurals, just stick an 's' on
Next week we'll talk about the 's' for possession

(Sydney, Australia - 2006)
Alessandra Liverani
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Poems By Poet Alessandra Liverani