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Poems By Poet Amanda Saveley  7/26/2016 10:41:40 PM
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  AMANDA SAVELEY (December 29,1987)

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Confessions Of A Bound Soul

Brother, my brother,
How selfish was I
While you seemed to struggle,
I sat idly by

Brother, my brother
Yes, try as I might
I now realize
It was also my fight

Brother, my brother
Now look at your arm
It's cold and immovable
Lost all its charm

Brother, my brother
Now look at your leg
There's so much left missing
Yet not once did you beg

Brother, my brother
Though I lost more in mass
It is you far more haunted
By our mistakes in the past

Brother, dear brother
Listen when I say
I will stick by your side
Until this goes away

Brother, dear brother
Listen when I say
I will stick by your side
Until our final day
Amanda Saveley



You Can Change Your Name, But You Can'T Change Your Mind

I left home
My choice, but the manner was not select
Goodbyes to friends, family, streets, buildings
All familiar...then
I changed my room,
Cut and died my hair
Switched gears, got a car, learned to drive right
Traded friends
Severed ties, making new
Gained weight,
Started college...
Nothing's the same.

And I hate it.
Amanda Saveley



Because You Can'T Have Your Cake And Eat It Too

'Happy Birthday. I love you.'

It's so unusual that I could say that at midnight tonight and be shooting it out in two different directions. But it makes sense, in a poetically ironic way. I feel like the day I met them was the day I finally split in half.

I want so much to be everything to both of them, but I can't.
Because it’s not smart.
Because it's not socially acceptable.
Because it's not healthy.
Simply put.

That doesn’t make me feel any different.
Does it hurt? Mostly.
And I wish I could save my life to this particular point, hit the “reset” button at the end of my life and do things differently.

I tried out the words on my tongue last night…
The ones I’ve been playing over in my head lately, just to see how they sound.
I’m testing the water to make sure I don’t drown in the other pond, you know?
And he was so hurt. The worst part of it all is that I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad about anything other than the fact that I was hurting him. I was sorry for his sadness, but it didn’t change my mind about what was making him sad.

I simply can’t breathe anymore in this space. I’ll die if I try to keep it all in. There are so many things I really want to say, in order to make everything okay for both of them. I’ve even considered cutting them both off, because I honestly believe they’d both be better off if they didn’t have to deal with my indecisive bullshit.

Instead, I’ll just wait until the hands meet at the top of the clock later tonight and say to myself what I could easily say to either of them.

“Happy Birthday. I love you. I’m sorry.”
Amanda Saveley



He Smiled (Ode To A Friend)

He always smiled.

Crazy-haired boy with tired eyes
That told the story of his neverending struggle
With this mess called life...

Those eyes are closed now.
They will see no more.

But he always smiled.

He could never win in life.
Much as he tried,
He only made things worse.
He could give good advice but couldn't take his own.

He was a lot like me...

But he always smiled.

Lines marring bare flesh betrayed him.
Told his story.
I said to him,
'Got something to say? Write it on paper, not your arms.'
'Pain makes great what pure skill cannot.'
'Masochism is a sure sign of stupidity. Plus, it's not a very attractive quality.'

And he listened.
He took my advice where I could not take his.

But he always smiled.

And at the end of all things,
He went where I could not follow.
He left misery behind to wait with me.
There was pain.
There was dark.
There was loss.

But he always smiled.

My friend, my confidante...I will always miss you.
Be in peace.
And wait for me.
Amanda Saveley

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Poems By Poet Amanda Saveley