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Poems By Poet Barry A. Lanier  11/25/2014 9:55:31 PM
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bHow To Get A Girl

Realizing the turmoil and difficulty at times in a guy getting a girl the proposed guidelines are purely suggestive. Based on the feedback the series may be continued.

How To Get A Girl
1) Recognize and utilize your strengths (Drinking Beer is not one of them)

2) If you have trouble socializing ask a girl who is a friend to go with you on a practice date (Do not try to get her in the back seat)

3) Being responsive to the emotional needs of others is not a weakness. Understand the girls emotional needs and practice empathy and understanding (We no longer drag women off by their hair to caves)

4) Learn the art of meaningful conversation and questions (Don't fire off questions in sequence and practice relavent practical discussion. Are you hot? is not one of them)

5) Take risks and be romantic (Going through the driveway at MacDonald's is not a romantic dinner)

6) Be Unpredictable (Flowers are nice but be a little more creative. How about cooking her a surprise meal with candlelight and roses and don't wear your baseball cap on the date)

7) Be Aware of Body Language (if your date is constanly yawning then something you are doing is not right)

8) First date- going to a movie really isn't a good idea- it's somewhat difficult to get to know someone in the dark when you can't talk.

9) Personal Hygeine (guys I know it's tough at times but please take a bath and not in the creek, and but a little of that special deoderant, you know the kind that is scented and go out on a limb and buy an after shave a little more refined than Aqua-Velva)

10) Attire (again I know it's tough but guys pay special attention to color coordinating the socks, and don't wear your work boots or tennis shoes)

11) Chivalry On Life Support (again guys I know it's hard but women do pay attention to little things like opening car doors and letting them walk on the inside when walking together, helping them with their coats, look at these as Bonus Points)

Well, tired out, so much more to tell, keep the passion flowing, the peas in the pot, and the ham cooking.
Barry A. Lanier



bHow To Get Rid Of Your Girl

This is an extension of the series 'How To' intended only for information and entertainment reasons.

1) The first way is to start saying 'I love you', a bit more often than you usually do, then day by day increase the intensity and frequency. Thinking you want to carry the relationship to the next level, BAM! she leaves you.
2) The second way is to become hypersensitive, expressing your emotions in a dramatic way, even crying at times. By the third session, BAM! she will leave you
3) The third way is in your dancing technique. Dance like a moron when you go out to a club. Women love dancing and by the third outing BAM! she leaves you.
4) The fourth way is a very simple one. Just be the self-centered idiot that you really are instead of following the steps in the previous sessions and BAM! she will leave you.
5) The fifth and most extreme method is a multiple method. First start wearing deoderant and cologne she hates, then in increments start cross-dressing, first wearing girls panties, then evolve into a little mascara, then to finish it off, the lipstick and BAM! she leaves you.
Barry A. Lanier



bHow To Keep Your Girl

An extension of the series of 'How To' for the guys out there this one how to keep your girl assuming you followed the steps in 'How To Get A Girl'
1) Guys don't try to solve all her problems. She doesn't need you to tell her what is right and what is wrong. She only needs you to sit through a session of woes and patiently listen to what she says. If you aren't interested, fake it, and act genuinely concerned.
2) Say what you mean because you can't bluff and con your girl. Women unlike men can read body language. They can tell when you lie by your body language and reading your eyes....and they have memories like elephants
3) Don't argue with your girl, you cannot win...and should you say an unkind word...remember the elephant...you shall pay for years to come
4) Encourage and React- Two Key Words.....always encourage your girl for her successes and her attitudes in failure. Always notice and comment on new clothes and new haircuts.....Brownie Points +10
5) Chores- Guys I know it'll be tough and a blow to your self-esteem, but learn how to wash and dry clothes, ironing your own shirts, and washing the dishes..you'll be surprised...Brownie Points +15
6) Don't Flirt- Guys she may be the silent type but if she perceives that you are flirting....Brownie Points -20
7) Surprise Her- An extension of 'How To Get A Women'-cook her a candlelight meal at home, send her cards and red roses for no reason...Brownie Points +10
8) Never Talk- About old girlfriends....even thought they won't admit this it makes them very insecure and angry
9) Communication- Listen more than Talking...Brownie Points +12
10) Hobbies- Make a point to enjoy some of her hobbies with her, even if you are not genuinely interested, become interested

Gosh, I', exhausted, pulling these life saving tips from the repressed cerebellum matter, keep the passion flowing, the peas in the pot, and the ham cooking.
Barry A. Lanier




Circling one blossom
Hovering in consideration
Of fragrant delay
Barry A. Lanier
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Poems By Poet Barry A. Lanier