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Poems By Poet Chaotic Life aka Curly Mer  8/27/2014 4:11:35 PM
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  CHAOTIC LIFE AKA CURLY MER
 
 
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  33.     

Who I Was, Who I Am

I finally figured out who I was.
I'm was not nice,
strong,
pretty,
smart,
or amazing.
What I really was was a jerk.
My past can prove all of it.
I've hurt people,
I've hurt myself..
everything I shouldn't have done.
I blame people for my downfalls,
and never took the time to realize that
all of it is my fault.
I can't be looked on as a role model anymore,
I can't keep receiving these compliments.
What I need to do now
is fix who I've become.
A slap in the face wouldn't be enough
to get me back on my place.
I need myself
and time.
Alone.

It's time to get back on the road,
time to stop being a hypocrite
and take my own advice
to do something good with it.
It's time to be honest with myself
and to define who I really am.
 
Chaotic Life aka Curly Mer
   
 

   
   
 

  34.     

Wishing Upon A Non-Living Star

I once wished on a star,
A star so bright,
So clear,
So special to me
That I thought my wish would come true

I put all my life,
All my hopes,
And wishes on that star
It blinked at me,
smiled and walked away carrying my life, hopes and wishes on its back

Days, months, YEARS
went by fastly
And that star
Still hasn’t return
to solve my miseries
Instead,
All my wishes stay unsolved
and all my life, hopes and wishes
Slowly fades away, as I slowly pass away…

…I wished upon a non-living star…
 
Chaotic Life aka Curly Mer
   
 

   
   
 

  35.     

....

I know this is all my fault
I was the one to let go of you
after you told me to never do that...
I was your world and for the longest time,
you were mines.
Then life & decisions & depression changed all of that
I was so miserable and strongly believed that If I was alone
things would be much better.
I didn't feel loved.
I underestimated my meanings in life.
In other words, I was suicidal.
& just like that,
I broke my promises...
I told you I needed a break...
That probably was the biggest mistake of my life

I look back on our old relationship
and the cute little poems we wrote for each other.
I feel like a retard. Stupid ass retard.
We had it all. Everything was going great.
But I had to mess it up...
Like I always do....

I'm trying so hard to build that trust & love we had
But I am realizing that once something is broken,
there is a fat chance that it will never be the same.
This is true for us.

I can not force you to love me again.
I can not force you to trust me again.
I had my chances & I ruined it all.

But why am I complaining?
I brought this all on myself.
I deserve this. I really do.
It's about time I learn about keeping my promises
 
Chaotic Life aka Curly Mer
   
 

   
   
 

  36.     

3am Thought ~

It takes
a lot of
courage
to be
honest, consistently.
But it really
is not
difficult.
So why are
people
so
weak?
 
Chaotic Life aka Curly Mer
   
 
 
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Poems By Poet Chaotic Life aka Curly Mer