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Poems By Poet Jeffrey Lee  12/19/2014 9:39:05 PM
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  JEFFREY LEE
 
 
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  5.     

My Confession

I'm not going to lie. I have thought about ending it, many, many, times. But surprisingly I'm still here. No matter how bad the feelings get. No matter how bad I want to yell from the depths of my soul. No matter how bad I want to tear and gnaw the skin from my flesh. Or want to break my fist against the hard surface of the world.
I am still here. Still waking up in the middle of the night. Still lying in the darkness, listening to the wind and rain against the window pain. Still waking up from the worlds of old faces and from lives that were never meant to be. I am still here. I am still here. I am still here.
It has been years since my last confession. Or maybe more truthfully. This is my first. I am torn between hating the world, and wishing I could save it. I am still in love with her. But at the same time I know, I am not in love with her. I am in love with the fiction of her I created. The fiction of the memories, as well as my own unquenched desires. Growing and fading throughout the long stretches of years, trying to grasp old memories, moments when we were almost together. And trying to forget everything else in between. The sweaty hands, the endless hours of staring up at the clouds and blue sky, trying not to look at her, Always trying to figure out what to say, what to say, what to say. Always imagining that she might have felt the same. As we sat alone in that old school parking lot day after day.
It's funny how I always think back to those moments. When life begins to dim. And always wish that I could have gone back and said something, anything. Just so I could have seen where the path would have taken us. I know deep down it probably wouldn't have worked out. I know that she would have still found someone else. I know that we would still end up going our separate ways. And that everything would have ended up the exact same way it has now. But deep inside, I still wanted to try. I still want to try. But it's too late. Much too late. And it is something I will hold in me till the day I die. But for now, I am still here.
I am still here. Stepping through the days, making memories with friends, settling with what I have, instead of drowning in what I don't. Maybe my father was right. And I "should just be happy with what I have." Settling for second or third place, instead of reaching for the gold, only to lose it all and end with nothing. I know I can be content with third place. I know she is everything I had ever wanted in a girl. I know she is the smart choice. But still I find that she is not her.
I am still here. I am still alone, and not alone. I am still in love with my fiction of the past. I am happy, and still unhappy. I am still here, and I don't know where I am going.
 
Jeffrey Lee
   
 

   
   
 

  6.     

The color of my life

I remember…
Her pouty red lips, when she wouldn’t get her way
The blush in her cheeks when her hand grazed mine
The freshly picked hibiscus that clung in her hair
And the mosquito bite that she wouldn’t stop scratching

The red and white striped hat
Atop the cat of the book we used to read
The little red shoes she wore for Halloween
And the six little flames flickering on her birthday cake

The color of my young fingertips
When she squeezed my hand in hers
As the spots of blood leaked from her fallen knee
Flushing her tear stricken cheeks red

The color of the first Valentine card I gave to her
And the color of the last rose, I almost gave to her

The color of the burning sky
As we both silently waited for our parents to come
The bright red brake lights of her parent’s car
Leaving the school and me behind

The color of the balloon that slipped out of her hand
And floated out into the eternal blue sky
I remember… the red in my life
 
Jeffrey Lee
   
 

   
   
 

  7.     

To my children

To my children
My future
May you find happiness
In this world of darkness

I write this poem
For you,
You, who I have not met
Nor probably will ever meet

I write in the hopes that you
Will not repeat the same mistakes as I
Nor of those who have came before

You are the future
Born from centuries of ideas
Wars, conflicts, and hope

You are the future
That people have fought for
And have also died for

You are the future
That will continue on
Living, growing, thinking,
And achieving the impossible

You are my children
You are my hope
And you are the endless future
Which I can’t even dream to comprehend

So don’t waste your life
Wondering what if
And don’t get hung up
On the trivial past

Only look forward to tomorrow
And live your life
For your children
And your children’s children

Because they are the future
And we are but stepping-stones
Building for a greater tomorrow
 
Jeffrey Lee
   
 

   
   
 

  8.     

Why Do I Still Think Of YOu

Why do I still think of you?
When the nights are cold and long
As I toss and turn
Remembering the warmth of your face

Why do I stretch out my hand?
Into the cold darkness
Wishing to feel your hand once more
Gently melt into mine

Why do I long to kiss your sweet lips?
And feel my tongue melt into yours
As we both lay on the ground
Hot and sweaty as your hair wildly sticks to your face

Why does my heart pound?
When I think about caressing your soft breast
So round and perfect, in the palm of my hand
Yet still I have to remember, that no means no

Why do I still miss you?
After all these uncomfortable years
And why do I still wish
That you might wish for me too
 
Jeffrey Lee
   
 
 
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Poems By Poet Jeffrey Lee